LIVING LIFE

2006-10-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

i wonder what is the cause of the times when i didnt dare to look into her eyes anymore or see her face to face anymore. i know it is me. i miss her. miss talking to her and all the times we spent together. i really do.

2006-06-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

Dear Father,

I was glad that you touched my heart that day.Even though i said that you were finished with me and i was trying to find a position to sleep, you continued to pour out your love to me.I was grateful.Thank You for teaching me to desire to cherish my family more and realised so many other things that i have not noticed before.Indeed, family ties are something that ought to be cherished.
God, besides my family, another person means alot to me as well, as important to me as my family is. i love her in your way because ,like you i know how beautiful she is and will always be.So, God i pray that you will truely be with her in all that she does.Whenever she is not feeling alright or tried to, be with her because that is something i could never be able to help her totally.I am glad you're our Father and that you were the author of this friendship.

I love You God.
Thank You.

Your daughter.

when will she be normal again?

2006-06-06T22:24:00.001+08:00

She sat there on her bed staring into spaces.
Thought to herself
"when will all these feelings go away?"
"when will all these fear go away?"
"i prayed.. very hard..still it returns quietly.."
And then, tears came rolling down her beautiful cheeks.

silent.
silence was all around her.all around her.

little girl is home.

2006-04-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since i wrote here.I wonder who ever reads this anyway.
I created a photo blog or whatever you called that.it's d100s.livejournal.com intiately and now it is iammi.livejournal.com . The reason why make a switch is so dumb,stupid and so irritatingly funny(if there is such phrase but whatever).So, don ask me why i changed.

Titus' birthday just past.Hopefully that boy enjoyed his birthday.
I been trying to compose this song recently.For God of course, who else ,right?

2006-03-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

Love Love Love.
I need the Love of God..
It's not enough...

thanks.

2006-02-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

My day was made well
with you guys around.
Thanks.

more than life.

2006-02-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

The only reason why you never know God is because you did not try to get to know Him.
Think of the many times you asked God or the people around you why you never experienced Him.
Did you really gave yourself a chance to try?
Probably you felt that it doesnt really matter.
Probably you are just contented with the life you are leading.
You dont see the need to change.
And then you thought that you really planned for the future.
The path you going to take.The career you want to go into
The job you plan to get.The money you want to earn.The items
you were dying to get.What is the purpose of it all? Satisfaction?
R you sure? Will you truly be?

Have you thought about what happens beyond the future?
Let me tell you that unless you know God personally you will never be there with Him for eternity.

Itonlymeansyouwillendupinhell.

We were the Reason.

2006-01-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

As little children we will dream of Christmas more
All the gift and toys we knew we find
But we never realised a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift our lives

We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us a reason to live

As the years went by we learn more about gift
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a cloudy night a man hang crying in the rain
Because of love,because of love.

I finally found the reason for living
It's in giving part every of my heart to Him
In all that i do every word that i say
I will be giving my heart just for Him.
For Him.

And we are the reason
That He gave His life.
He is my reason to live.

hediedforaworthlesssinnerlikeme.

pringles.

2006-01-31T12:14:00.000+08:00

Mum and Dad and bro. not at home which explains
why i dont have lunch.Not as if i cant cook noodles i
guess it is just too troublesome since i still have work
to be completed.Thank God for cny.I now have root
beer and pringles to feed on.My lunch.

My Say.

2006-01-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

Dear God,
I tried to not feel this way,
to make things work better.
But i am afriad i can never do so with my strength.
So i need You to take control,
help me Lord i pray.
Amen.

runningaftermyownwaysispointless.

crying with joy.

2006-01-18T10:14:00.000+08:00

It's a no wonder why this blog is dying.

I think tag-boards are such a useless thing. I am going to delete it soon i presume.
I have no idea what i am really up to these days.

I missed talking to dad, those conversations we used to have on our rides home.
I missed going out for dinner with bro on sat and the stupid crapping and laughing.
I missed going out with mum, the eating and the shopping.
I missed playing my guitar.
I missed reading the bible.
I missed the times when i could spent hours talking to God.
I missed His presence and His touch.
I missed the times when i could hanged out with rach and titus.
I missed the times when i could really rest.
I missed the house that i used to have, comfortable and peaceful.
I missed going to grandma house and talk to her.

How i wished things would be better.
How i wished that this life would be over soon, so that i can finally meet Dad in heaven.

cell gathering.

2006-01-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Today is such a busy day,a hectic one and a run-all-over the place day.
I went to get my cards replaced( lost in camp) and then head down to leemin's house for cell gathering.Today is really a nice day.justina and ryan planning came out well.Really they do and i appreciate it.

It was so sweet of germ to drop by my cell gathering after her school today.
I enjoy train rides with germ.

Speedlight Camp 2005.

2006-01-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

I am back from CIA.

The entire camp was fun and fufilling.I am glad i brought home what i am expecting to get.
I told God that i want to get a new of heart before i go to the camp because i do not want to be numbed by the things of the world or anything that is ungodly in the eyes of God.
Although the whole time in camp was spent running here and there and going for games com. meeting i am really glad that in the midst of these busi-ness, i am still able to experience God in a mighty way.The workshop-How to lead a godly life has a great impact on me so much so that i am feeling God is speaking riht straight into my heart and i tried so hard then to hold back my tears.And then the various services, i experienced God too.But the one with the biggest impact is-NOW service. I could feel God is cleaning me and clensing me-i feel brand new and afresh, a new heart. I thank my Father.I am really touched that rach came over to pray for me during that service.

This camp made me realised alot alot of things.
About the power of compromising ,about the power of gossiping ,about the importance of godliness ,about the undying love of God.And in this camp new friendship were forged and the old ones grew stronger.I am thankful and God sent germ,ad and rach into my life.

Thank you Father for everything.

untitled.

2005-12-22T01:44:00.000+08:00

whee!
germ is coming back tomoro.FINALLY!
I cant wait for to meet germ again.
Adelene and germ will be coming over to my house for baking on friday. so cool eh. I think i will be sleeping while they are doing so. hahaha.

Christmas.CIA.CG Outing.ILOVECHURCHFRENZ.

untitled.

2005-12-21T13:21:00.000+08:00

.Have got brand building and ComDI to go. Classes officially end on friday.
I cant wait for it to come.And then to camp. so exciting.

I miss hanging out with rach and titus. And then i miss germ. so cool she will be back in 2 more days.Thank God that adelene is always around.

I think my heart ached when i found out that she broke down yesterday.I guess i been too caught up with my work that i didnt been around for them.

truth for the night.

2005-12-15T01:57:00.000+08:00

I am but an ordinary girl.really.i am not as strong as some may thought to be.I do have my fair share of crying.Lately, i must confess i am quite affected about the stuff i found out, about the things i came to know about.Hearing it often,will numb one's soul.i dread that.Being numbed in scary.once is enough.really.Certain things that may have become a norm and talking about it might seems just a casual thing yet the impact of it is far too great to be seen.The more i get exposed to it the more i feel painful about it.Call me emotional if you want.But the more u think about how dirty and ugly the hearts of men are, you cant help but grief in God.

People often asked me why am i so serious with God? and sometimes they think i am being too religious.Some asked me why i do this and dont do that.And sometimes been laughed at because of the faith i carry.Some people might have probably thought i am losing out alot of fun but why have they not thought that they are probably the one losing out the fun? Sometimes doing somethings maybe be fun and thrilling and exciting but is it not true that after a while it dies down and u feel empty within again?

I know when people meet with trials and problems and when they dont FEEL that God is there they conclude that God is not there.Isnt it so that we shouldnt go by feelings and FEEL that he is there but KNOW that he is there.

I dont exactly dont know what i am talking just that i didnt phras it the best way i could.I wish i could do more sometimes....

untitled.

2005-12-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Oh great! my room now stinks.really.so smart of me to do the burning in the room.TRASH ART.yes.The effect was created though.whoosh, my weekend should be spend on completing all my assignments.

Anyway, the lunch with joy today was... nice.I must confess that joy been very sweet to me recently.hahahaha.

oh boy.
I miss germ.really.The feeling is like... u feel as if you lost someone? ok i dont mean i lost her just that knowing that she is not in singapore makes me feel that she is far far away from me.oh yes. 8 more days.. i shall buried myself in my assignments.

2 hours sleep last night.I should be sleeping now.

the fellowship of the ring.

2005-12-10T00:57:00.000+08:00

I gotta talk about leaders' gathering today.Learnt and realised a couple of things.
Fellowship was good.funny and hillarious, yes they were.Haha, the adults were talking about marriage and getting married while germ and myself sat there and listen to them.Cool.For once, i felt older.And then followed by conversation with weiping.It's wasnt really a conversation since weiping did most of the talking.Germ and i was so absorbed.He spoke about how God been seeing through him every single part of his life, then he spoke about dreams and goal.I learnt alot for sure.I am sure germ did too.And through the entire time, i realised how pride is still so strong in my life, defense myself or rather, too quick to defense myself.

People in their late 20s are so much more mature(obviously) .
So much more to learn. When they say we are still young, yeah we are indeed.

Oh anyway, i love the gathering today.

And felix was so funny today, like for once. " And...the movie... june-oh(ju'on)..." haha.

I dont think i will come back anytime soon so.sigh.
Germ is leaving on monday i am definitely gonna miss her. sigh. 10days man....10days.argh.

screwed.

2005-12-09T00:09:00.001+08:00

wth wth wth.

When will i ever grow up? I am so screwed.Why do i always leave things at the last minute? why do i always end myself up in dumb situations? doing the dumbest thing ever? asking the dumbest question ever and still think it is funny.And now i cant even get a simple thing done properly.I feel like giving myself a slap on my face, a punch on on my stomach and a kick on my butt. I cant believe is it is 1211am! i m not finish with brand building, not finish with the stupid ComDI essay.

Crap, for once i really hate myself, yes God's creation. I hate myself.

2005-11-29T23:17:00.000+08:00

today was such a tiring day yet to me been one of the most fruitful day since last week.

Hanging out and playing the oh-so-little-kids games but it was so fun!
Yay, cant wait to return cell this week man. Those kids are really great and funny.ok not kids they are just 1-3 yrs younger than me..lol.

came across this perfume that's quite nice, justina and i love it.Jonathon loves the one in purple bottle.haha.so funny.

And then i saw something shocking yet feel happy about. haha.hahaha.

taking my own sweet time eh.

2005-11-28T22:32:00.000+08:00

i am getting frustrated trying to figure out/solve the microsoft office problem.argh.

not been updating for a week or so, i guess.sigh, i've got a whole chunk of work to be done which makes me wonder what have i been doing the past few days.

work to be done:
1.) Mascot- tomoro.
2.)VSC Proj 1- brainstorm ideas/ consultation tomoro.
3.) Visual Lit- illustration.
4.)Culture and expression.
5.) ComDI report on self-protraiture- friday.
6.)world issues- portfolio( week 6), group work.

Anyway speaking about ComDI, i landed myself in a group where i hardly know anyone.Worse of all, something dumb/embarrassed thing happened when i was with them.

roadside.

2005-11-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

ComDI was horrible today.Mr Felix was _______ . sigh.

Anyway, i went down to national library with cherlene today.So nice/sweet of her to wait 3 hours for me.haha.
And on our way to dinner i snapped some pictures.hee.

2005-11-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

Bro. was so sweet to help me tidy up my table.
:-)

mockthemullet

2005-11-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

i been forgetting this.

Guys check this out when you have the time:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mockthemullet

king arthur,joan and me.

2005-11-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

watched king arthur at leeanna's house today, with spicy drumlets,pizza,sushi,coke and otak.haha.what a weird combination.

shows like king arthur and joan of arc makes me want to conquer the world for God.

Oh, did i mention germ came to school yesterday?yup,she did.So sweet of her to send me to school.The best part was germ met joy.hee.

yes to God.

2005-11-13T22:16:00.000+08:00

An unceasing struggle in our lives always trying to choose between the devil and the Father.
And each time when we make the wrong choices we tried to repent and before long, we repeat it again.
And then because of the oh-so-many times of "repentance", tireness seeps in and numbness crawls in.
Slowly and surely, she takes over our heart.
But, let me tell you today, even if it is so, just remember this...
Dont think about how many times u tried and how numb you are,
that when you choose to tell our Father,God i want to return to you again,
will he not open His arms and say yes my child?.

2005-11-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

i have no idea how to describe how was school today.

But i guess world issues isnt that bad.
5 people in my class..ha.

today is such a weird day.i m so tired.

ok,i am off to watch joan of arc.

brand new.

2005-11-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

Finally school starts tomoro.
But i dont care whatever that
is gonna happen in the coming weeks anymore
because all i will ever want to do ,
is to live for you again my Father.

2005-11-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

today is such a crazy day.

school blues?probably not.

2005-11-04T02:10:00.000+08:00

i want to sleep....

Grandparents are moving in this weekend.I hope everything will be well when they live with us.Anyway,i gotta go out or do something tomoro..i mean today because it is the last day of the last week of holiday.School is starting on monday!
Mac breakfast i am looking forward to.
I hope the exercise plan falls into place when school starts.I want to be fit.ha.

oh shucks.
I remember something.
I HAVE NOT DONE SPEEDNEWZ LOGO.

I can foresee that when school starts ,things are gonna get crazy.
With so many things coming up and to do.I know i can only rely on God.

door makers drive me crazy.

2005-11-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

I am finally home.I miss my bed so so much.Anyway,trip to KL was fun,as a family it sure was.haha.Oh, i managed to catch the chelsea vs blackburn match and tottenham(spelled correctly?) vs Arsenal match over at Kl.One word: Great.
I guess i sort of finally understood why people are crazy over soccer,which makes me wonder if i should catch the Man U vs lille(spelled correctly? ha.) match later.hahaha.

Anyway,Sigh.
I miss germ and hanging out with titus n rach n joy.ha.
But i guess chances are i am unable to do so the next few days.
Stupid door makers!
Argh.

i will upload the pics i took in kl later...
so many pics to upload eh.

sometimes, i wonder what u ever saw in me....

break.

2005-10-29T01:49:00.000+08:00

hmm.I've got pics who upload!!...but not today.
Went little india with germ today,erm,no,yesterday.And we were so so late for H.G.M.It's like thesotypical us.If only we could really spend more time there though.

Up next,Arab Street.hehe.

A Winning Kid.

2005-10-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Today by far is the most meaningful day out of the 2 months holiday.(Hey! it doesnt mean i been living the past few weeks in vain k!)Ok, back to where i was. Yes,i was saying today is great. I helped mum to scrub the floor of the living and study area.Helped her because 1).i dont want her to overstrain her back 2.)Ha,it is a time for me to show her how filial i am.(kidding.)

Anyway, there isnt any purpose.I just wanted help since i am free.
i know i am not really a good daughter and sometimes, i guess i took mum for granted as if she will always be there to help me with this and that,to do this and that. And sometimes, as her daughter i fail to understand her more too,to try to find out what's on her mind at times. I do hope i would at least try harder.

It is not easy being a daughter,i know, but i guess it is just as tough being a mum.
To end it , i am not a winning kid just because i realised "oh, i should be more filial!" nor was it because i did something nice today.But rather, i am a winning kid because i have a mum who loves me this much,who work hard for me and gave her time and everything to me.

Hence declaring:" Sab is indeed a winning kid!"

I love you mum.

Still,God should be it.

2005-10-26T14:32:00.000+08:00

I think i mentioned in yesterday's entry and a few entries back that we shouldnt pursue our dreams or rather, i think i gave that impression.My apologises if you actually received that message from my entries.Well, you see,those entries are more applicable if you are too consumed by your own dreams that it has become the first priority in your life,you would have probably forgotten about God.

I must emphasize that having dreams are good.It is like a goal and very much a belief.A belief that you can do something you like and be successful in it.A belief is like a passion ,a driving force to push you on. More likely enforces positivity in it. Yeah, so i am supportive of having dreams because i have one myself.

But in the course of pursuing them, "YOU JUST GOTTA BALANCED!"(by my two lovely friends.ha.)
So, i just got to make sure that when i am on the road of pursuing my dream, God should always be the focus in my life and if i got to make a choice between the two, God should be it.

Living A Life.

2005-10-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Why pursue your own dreams?
Why pursue fame?
Why pursue wealth?
Why go after things?
you know clearly at the end of the day,
you ll still be empty deep within.
What does it really means to be successful in life?
Are they not are define by people around you?
Are they not are define by the standards of this world?
oh-so-foolish you who live by the standards of people.

So then, if you were given this chance:
the chance to impact the lives of others
the chance to change the lives of others
the chance to make a difference in this world,
will You?

I will...
I am too tired to go after my desires already.
so what about getting what i want?

All i ask is You Lord in my life.
Pray that You be my reason for living.
the reason of my life.
the reason of my very presence.

Think about your life.
Are you even Living?

deserted.

2005-10-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

Submitted the designing to God.I think good ideas can only come from dad.

Ha.thanks ra for the tag board stuff. :-)
spent the day reading david eddings book and then a short nap.looking forward to thurs.fri/wed.

deserted:

one day.

2005-10-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

dream:a cherished aspiration.
Bold is the person who is willing to give it up for God.
Love is the strength for that person to give it up for God.
But above all it is God Himself that can make us give up
our dreams and aspirations for Him and follow His ways.
His grace,mercy and love.
God.

i'll follow His footsteps.one day.

(why not now...why not..)

so me.not me.

2005-10-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

I wanted to continue on found:part 2 talking more about the exciting things i discovered while clearing up the place,but sadly the inner being within me has no mood to do so.You see clearing up the place is tiring so i will try all i could to grab every opportunities that i have to take a break/rest/slack. I wonder if it was a retribution, but i ended up in stupid state after each time i took a break and continue packing again.First it was a knock on my leg and then i hit my hand say..3 times? while handling stuffs,next before i knew it i banged like straight onto the wall while attempting to pick up the ringing hp.And there were still a few knocks here n there.Please, i m really serious about it no exaggeration.

ok.folks who know me well,dont think it is just me.I really think it is just not my day.

boo.boo.boo.

found.

2005-10-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

Today is a tiring day.The whole day was spend on packing and clearing up stuff in the storeroom and study room.The living room is currently in a mess,looked as if we just moved in.Oh, i managed to snap some pics and also chanced upon a ballad/whateverucallthat/poem that i first wrote:

She wants to teach her students things
than lessons in the books
She wants to teach them deeper things
that people tend to overlook

How to think and how to choose
the right from the wrong
How to live and learn each day
and grow up to be strong
To teach them how to gain wisdom
so that they would make the world a better place.

May she be a guide to these minds
Upon the way down life long road:
then she will have done her part.

Cant believed i actually post it up.Anyway i got pics to upload but later maybe in the next entry.

Call me crazy, i actually went all the way to seven eleven to get chocolates and chips just because i want to.

aevidence of being a food fanatic recently:

un.screw] : draw me closer.God.
MSN
10:06
ohh..
10:06
alrighty.
10:07
ure busy right?ha.better nt disturb u..kkex.meantime,i go n search 4 food.whee..
10:07
haha

what's in a song?
MSN
10:08
u ah.... eat eat eat only

2005-10-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

yes. i am looking forward to the eatthewholeday excursion/outing/expedition.
whee..it is like gonna be so fun la!
(anyway as to how i manage to enjoy food it is because i met this particular friend.)ha.

chickennoodle.
donut.smartaleck.applealoev.
coke.kueh.mushroomsoup.

skinny me declares:
FOOD ROCK!

2005-10-20T00:56:00.000+08:00

I love my germ.
And...
I loved my day!
whee.

Just for Me.

2005-10-19T03:48:00.000+08:00

Just do for Me.
God.

God

2005-10-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

disobedience.the downfall of my spirit.
grace.Allows me to return once again.
love.carries me through everytime.

God. Just makes me wants Him again and again.

2005-10-16T02:29:00.000+08:00

The throne and His kingdom He laid it all down.
Threw Himself into this world that we may reconcile.

my first match.

2005-10-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

i've got a cut on my knee and i sprained my toe.
And since i played without shoes, i got stepped on.
So much of a small surface area,i still got hit by the ball.
But i am thankful i am still intact.
Anyway, i am not complaining in fact, i enjoyed the game.
i've got the opportunity to play with 'gerrard'.
Though we lost really badly,but it was a good and fun game,
not forgetting some really funny skills.

thanks for the invitation 'gerrard'.
So..when's the next match?

what's e difference.

2005-10-08T00:45:00.000+08:00

why do christians run after temporal things knowing that they will never last?
why are christians living their lives normally knowing that God is coming?
Why are christians expecting for revival but dont work for one?
Why are christians satisfy with a touch from God every sunday when they can
experienced that everyday?
Why do christians only turn to God in times of troubles and run away from Him when they are sailing smoothly?
When will christians realise that all God ever wanted was for us to talk to Him?
When will christians realise once again that Christ was all He ever wanted to tell us?
That He loved us.
So then, if this is so...
What sets a believer apart from the non-believer besides recognising that Christ is their saviour?

What sets me apart?

Sir Y.C

2005-10-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

My leeanna!!
i met her yesterday.How i miss her!
Cant wait to meet her next week to watch GOAL.yayy!

Sir Y.C this is for you:
tofu on chopsticks.
hahaha.

thrash the chef

2005-10-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

So the cucumber soup was fairly well done.
It was interesting to begin with until mum calls and told me to get more things done.
Get cabbage and garlic sliced.
I cant believe myself, but i actually mistook ginger as garlic so when mum came home,i got scolded.
Worse.
Scolding continues when i couldnt fry the fish and the cabbage.
To tell you the truth, I HATE COOKING.
It's so tedious and i dislike it when mum associates cooking with being a girl.right.
oh,please to get me wrong, i am certainly not angry with my mum,she is just tired i know that.
Anyway,it is amazing how rach and elieen actually enjoys it.
Haha.

say goodbye, cucumbers.

2005-10-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

Alright great,blogger is under maintenance so here I am on Microsoft word.

God, I still need a confirmation from You.

I love Anastasia, I think I am going to watch it again, soon. Ok, forget about the thinking, I am, yes I am. I am planning to get the soundtracks, they are pretty good.

Anyway, I have the whole apartment to myself now.
Mum is at the hospital with grandpa, dad is at work and bro is in school ,of course. Well, people could actually come and mess up my house.boo..I was just about to take a nice and cosy afternoon nap when mum called and told me to cook the rice(alright) and cook the cucumber soup.CUCUMBER SOUP here I come.

Sheesh. Wish me luck.

Auntie-to be.bleh~

4.30pm

2005-10-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

who defines what's right and what's wrong?
God.
I should stop thinking about the whole issue and and leave it to God.

Yay!One salvation is in the house! ok, i know i am not related to her but i cant help it.Happy!
Rejoice with me!

awake.crazy.mad.happy.tired.glad.
summary of 300905

take me past

2005-09-30T12:08:00.000+08:00

Enjoyed my day with adelene and girls,ad in particular. :-)
oh, ron.. besides the porridge right..i like your aunt's herbal chicken as well,it's really nice!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Take me past the worldly desires.
Take me past the worldly fun.
Take me past what the world could offer.
Take me past what i thought i want.
So Lord,take me past.

Into Your Holy Place, here i come.

2005-09-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

It seems like it was only yesterday that he left.
Memories came flooding through my mind when i returned there today.
Vivid images swept past my eyes.
the ward.level 3.icu
the tubes, the needles.
the pain.it came and then gone,forever.
the mortuary.

I miss him,alot.
grandpa.

2005-09-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

I didnt expect myself to react or feel this manner.
They were nice and sweet.
Makes me feel like not taking a break.
I love them.
And
Probably, it is the first time i felt this way
I Love being a leader.Tough but worth it.
No regrets.Not now.Nor ever.

The break.
Break away from distractions.
And seeking God earnestly again.
Helped me realised they do meant something to me.

I will come back strong.stronger than ever.In God.

2005-09-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

the best thing i received since May is to experience God this way again.

Somehow the goals that i set no longer matters anymore,
they will fade away,the things of the world too, eventually.
I have gone too far.

To You
Enlightenment, my eyes, they now see
What all this time You've wanted to teach me
You let me walk through deep and dark valleys
Moulded me into what You want me to be

Valued the wrong things, didn't know what I had
Chased after the wind, realised that was my bad
My heart now feels free, even though I'm still sad
This freedom, nothing in the world can buy that

Rejected Your love and sought after man
Forgot all Your promises, walked out of Your plan
Broke Your heart, thought it was the end
I fell and got hurt, yet You still hold my hand

Stretched me to the limits, till I almost sank
Knowing had it been easier, I'd use my own strength
Removed from my engine all that rusted and cranked
For this, dear Lord, You have my heart's highest thanks

I'll live a life worthy of Your great call
My willfulness and pride, I abandon them all
I won't look behind, will turn back no more
Because into Your arms, that's where I choose to fall

Throwing my life in reckless abandon. To You.

2005-09-22T17:15:00.000+08:00

I am sorry i just had to...

2005-09-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

latest update.
I am jobless.Or rather i dropped the previous job or did it dropped on me?(hmm..vocab sounds funny)whatever.

Cell attendance was 8 yesterday.Dramatic,horrifying,tragic attendance.I am shocked and disappointed.Something is wrong.

Still on the road of recovery,so far so good.
Oh.sheesh..
The person whom i can probably hang out with during the vacation got a job.So, i think i got to stay at home everyday.Hey,probably i can revamped my room or something.maybe myself too? funny.

2005-09-15T18:36:00.000+08:00

alrighty.Good for you if u managed to catch the two entries which are now undisclosed.

On my 2nd week of holidays now.But.
I DONT FEEL LIKE I AM HAVING ONE.
Regretted on going out everyday last week though.(Not wth You guys,u knw who u r.)
anyway, i am glad i was given a chance to got back something i nearly lost.It was alittle painful experience to go through to wake me up and seriously returning to God.

Well,i got myself a job, sadly to say it is not something i really like, and still hesitating about going in the late afternoon but well for friend's sake.haha.And probably because i didnt want to slack my time away.oh,i have another money-making opportunity which cant be disclosed yet. :-)

I am falling in love with oldies and beautiful photos..

change?

2005-09-09T07:23:00.000+08:00

oh well.We didnt changed much.The conversations we had was still the same(i dont mean the content) and just as fresh.Really brings me back to secondary school days.

But then again.I think i did changed in some ways.
Shannon told germ once that after i enter polytechnic i will change which is inevitable, naturally.Although it was not mentioned if was a positive or negative way , but i felt it was toward negativity more then positivity for now.In a way because i drifted away from God.probably, becoming more mature and the ability to think in a more diversify(?) manner makes me feel less guility.I dont know.

Well, 'ron' is right , i should be doing something about it.
rebuke?
haha.

D.O.G

2005-09-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

andro.

2005-09-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

great.. so i am told,i looked andro. :-(

Anyway, i feel so relief and happy after the touch from God.

Oh.
And today is great..
Nice and cosy family supper..
ICe-cream prata
nasi goreng
all by myself..

sigh.1.52am and i have not prepare cell lessons!!!

God bless me.

---

2005-09-03T16:30:00.000+08:00

yay i got book 2

Do i deserve a second chance..?

yes i think i do.
press on.

Thanks rach.

Yipee holiday starts todaY!

2005-09-02T14:55:00.000+08:00

Everything end well last night.
yesterday..
They apologised.
They let us know why it happened this way
They assured us that it will never happen again.
(You will only know what happened last night if i feel close and secure enough to let u know)

Whatever that had happened yesterday should now be a past.
Alrighty.

Nothing spiritual for me to talk about today.
today..
a good listening ear
Not too bad breakfast
pretty nice lunch
tiresome but fun/funny cube painting
awkard dinner moment
Kind ride to the Mrt
canthelpbuttoeat supper
four pears
troublesome mail to peter sam
and should be ending it off with a cosy and nice sleep.

ANYONE KIND ENOUGH TO CONTRIBUTE TO SAVE-SAB FUND SO SHE COULD GET HER BOOK?? ANYONE?

PS:Today's title is not related to entry

I know i will with You

2005-09-01T11:29:00.000+08:00

I am feeling lost and in a state of despair.Ever since i took up cell everything took a turn.
Life seems so hard and tired to move on.Struggling with my emotions, my work ,cell and sometimes at home.I know very well that the devil is out to get me.To put me down, to make me fall.Even just now, he will not let me go, messing things up in my family.I hate Mr S.A.Tan.Probably i have not relied on God enough, probably i need more time, probably i just need more prayer so that i would probably move on.

God..
U are still here right?
I know You are.
I will get through this trial.i know i will with You.

to the road of recovery.

2005-08-29T01:46:00.000+08:00

one more week...
to completing my work
to handling them in
to hols
and...
my expedition to the road of spiritual recovery.

---

2005-08-27T14:41:00.000+08:00

Things will never be the same again.

i miss grandma

2005-08-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

Visit granny yesterday after sending in my films for developing.
It's been almost a month since i last saw her.

It was only yesterday that i found out that she is still doing housework for uncle and his family.
I mean granny is old and her back is always aching. Sometimes it hurt so bad that she could hardly walk.
And then she is still doing housework??

But..
then again..
She might be doing so because she has nothing to do at home.Besides, sitting down,watching tv and do nothing might not be a good idea too.

So,probably it will be good if she does it to a certain limit.

Gosh..side-tracked again.

ok. Anyway, i miss granny.

Be still

2005-08-24T07:57:00.000+08:00

Lord
Am glad that in times of frustration and distress.You are here with me.

Still in Your presence Lord.

the goodness.

2005-08-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

There is one thing i really gotta talked about.It's about the goodness of my parents.

I don't know how to phrase it but i will try.

My mum.
My mum is a very soft-hearted person. She would help whenever she could and even if it's not within her means she would still do what ever she could.Whenever people(in this case it is my grandparents and uncles) approached her for help she will be very much unwilling to reject. Not because she is weak.(Let me emphasize again, this doesn't mean she is weak).She is just kind. And for this reason ,people often take her for granted. And seriously i don't like it or rather i hate it totally when people take her for granted.my mum= that's her for you to know.

My dad.
My dad is the man of the men. He is brilliant.well,my dad. He is kind as well, i mean willing to help whenever possible, he would help if its within his means. And he is easy-going, not fussy and a patient man. So, for that reason,being easy-going, people take him for granted as well.Whenever, there are spoil pipes, items, the people would just turn to him immediately, not even asking but assuming that my dad would help eventually.( my dad is good in practically everything that's why.)And usually he would not reject.My dad.

Anyway the whole point it that i don't like the fact that the people are taking my parents for granted, thinking it is my parents duty to take care of them.Not that they shouldn't but the people's attitude is not right,horrible in fact.selling the housing, keep the money and ride on us just to not spend extra cost on rented apartment.

As for now, i really hope mum would be alright about the whole thing, afterall, the people are her parents.

God is good.

2005-08-22T02:59:00.000+08:00

This is the very first blog on my very first mac, very own personal laptop.

Still, i think i am talking to myself because this blog has not been publicise.Maybe i should't keep it personal.oh well.

ok.First thing first, a miracle happened.Val accepted my designs on wednesday despite the fact he rejected so many, the rest/others.Indeed, God is good when we choose to trust Him.

More problems cropped up this week,ironically it was due to more prayers made.
Nevertheless God is still good.

I enjoyed conversation wih germ today.In fact alot. Guess it been ages, well maybe not ages..but... you get my idea yar.

Anyway,
cuby ruby cubee timee..

so m i back or m i back?

2005-08-14T12:17:00.000+08:00

The feeling came back again.Not along the week but now.The feeling of maybe i should step down and return to germaine's cell.

I dont know.
It is boring to blog about myself.

The art of laziness/procastination.
That's practically the root cause of the whole issue here in my life.ObViously in the lives of others as well.I mean looked at the people around me.Everyone seems to have master this skill/art.Just look at people in school,last minutes work,handling in late work.

When is the world ever going to be a better place?
In case You are really thinkin about that,well you shouldnt really bother to because it is just a random question that pop out in my brain suddenly but if you really really do want to know,the answer is NEVER.

Anyway,the art of waiting:

No hard feelings

2005-08-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking about some issues regarding mum.I meant mums in general.I said that because i realised that most mums behaved the same way.So, for this, i am giving some tips.Most eg are what i experienced.It should be applicable since my mum = to most mum is the world.

Scenario 1:Keep You stuff!
Dad and Mum quarrals.Dad overpowered mum.And when dad is away, the kid usually get it from their mum,eg:"why didnt u stand up for me?" or.. she would start pin pointing on you and vent her anger on u.

Hint:Make sure your stuffs are always neatly placed.

Scenerio 2:Go shopping with mum often and OBSERVE.
Mum needs to cook, since you are on the way home, she got you to get some missing ingredients that she requires.You head to the supermarket,get the stuff and went home happily because you did your mum a favour only to realise that you get a really bad scolding due to wrong brand of ingredient.So, NO DINNER!

Scenario 3:Always do things that make your mum feels she is appreciated.
Mum gets emotional during her "tough" period.On worse case, she will get emotional and feels unappreciated over small issues.So, remember to help volunteer in housework or give her a kiss before she sleeps.

Alright.I dont know what i am really talking about.

chocolate shop.

2005-08-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

willy wonka inspired me to open a chocolate shop!
4 out of 5 stars 4 charlie
haha.

didnt do much today.

what revelation of God do You carry?

2005-08-07T01:21:00.000+08:00

To sacrifice is a form of worship.
According to dictionary.com it defines sacrifice as: an act of offering.I dont feel that it's the best definition.In fact i think, at least to me, sacrfice should be define as:the delibrate choice of giving up something you feel so much for.

I finally realised it all.
The tiredness, the pressure and the feelinglikegivingupfeeling are just forms and ways God has been using to test me with.To choose to worship Him in spite of all these things.
The world.
It has begin to creep over me ,all over the place,insideout.Settling more for outlook appearance and looking for ways to satisfy the so called quality life people yearn and longs for.So then sacrifice comes along,to choose to be caught up in the things of the world or to choose to follow Him and be caught in His presence instead.

I want to include God in my lifestyle again.Into my character ,into the way i behave,even into the way i present myself.i want to shine for God again,if not even more.I yearn to carry the revelation He has for me.Do You?

So..the question is..
What revelation of God do You(i) carry then?

Ask and it shall be answered.

2005-08-06T14:50:00.000+08:00

ok.i duno why i am back.but i am back.

Don't talk to me.dont talk to me.dont talk to me.
I want to be alone with God.

upsidedowninsideout.

untitled

2005-08-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

I am finally back after 2 days.It goes to show how busy have i been the past 2 days.

I haven been thinking recently.Not that i haven't been using by brain just that reflections werent that much.

I am beginning to hate myself as a leader.
so called leader.
I didnt do follow up this week nor prayed for cell.All i did was only enough to sustain myself.All these resulted in sheeps getting sick, getting PO.

I seems to be doing things based on my feelings recently,based on what i think it should be.I repeat..based on what i THINK it should be.Which is totally wrong.Although not all were based on my feelings, somehow i felt that i should have seek God in all of the things i wanted to do.

amazed.
I seriously had no idea how did i managed to reveal so much to joy.i have not spoke so much to someone before.i dun mean someone i meant someone whom i have known for such a short period of time.it has only been 3 weeks( ever since term 2 i think).

[The one in that mirror has seemingly looked torn]
messed up and screwed up.
broken and gone.
struggling to stand up, to press and push on.
so Lord,
stretch and hold on that the one might move on.
the one in that mirror is just me a lone.
a poorly written poem by me

book season is back.

2005-08-02T23:24:00.000+08:00

I think i am pretty satisfy with the outcome of my pop-up card considering the fact that i did it last minute,i meant one day before dateline when sir peter sam gave us 2 weeks ago.So the 11-0330 hrs i spent was worth it.Oh yes, i m sure that the idea was given by God.

anyway,
I am currently in the mood for books.So after much persuasion by joy and the overwhelming surpressed desire to read a book, i finally bought D.E.The Belgariad-book 1, pawn of prophecy which is said to be highly addictive.
However, i seems to feel giddy while holding the book i wonder if its because of fatigue or other effects.I mean afterall i slept at 3.30am yesterday.

oh well.i am off.

quiet time.a short moment.

2005-08-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

i did a short 15mins prayer.and i think its great.great not because i did something awesome but rather it was because i experienced God again.a soft tangible way.just lingering in his presence.He was here.

this 15mins actually refreshed me. i was numb tired the past few weeks.sippin into temptation and traps of the devil.Yet i know now my reliance is on God.I need God and i need His love.I need His presence.

You're all i want
You're all i ever needed
You're all i want
Help me know You're near..

sometimes being alone is fun.

2005-07-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

I actually enjoyed hang out alone.I had a great time in Yakun today all by myself,no sense of loneliness nor rejection.Just peace and rest.I guess i felt really good because i feel so away from everything.From school workloads, from church and from home.oh. i had the time to do so because i had a one hour break for guitar class.

oh.
I forgot to write something yesterday.
Anyway, i realised that shannon don't really know me that well.Like... i prefer vanilla to chocolate ice-cream.and i actually like cute stuff.like those i saw in the toy shop in wheel-lock place and those in taka.I did say No when he asked me if i like those stuff which is not true.Or maybe i changed over the time i am in tp.Like becoming more girly?? or looking more into my appearance and stuff.Oh well.

Went for group project today.creative thinking that is.FUN. pics below:

MIA for 2 days.M BACK!

2005-07-30T02:54:00.000+08:00

ok.i been MIA for two days.Basically was because i am tired or i didnt had the time to blog. And, as much as i could remember i stayed up will 5.15am on wed "night" to complete the tshirt design and drawing fundamentals.While Thursday was a runtoalltheplaces day,like i went to ruby photos to get my slides and then all the way to queenway to print my shirt which i ended up with having to edit my tshirt design there all thanks to my blurness of not saving it in my thumbdrive.Thank God that Titus was around. :-)

For goodness sake! Pls.. i am not and i am not in love with joy or anything.God pls stop this rumour or if should it start i pray it would never start.!

Today was alittle blown away.Blown away not because i enjoyed it but rather because shannon was irritated about the whole fact that clever sabrina happily "invited" so many ppl for dinner when she was supposed to have it only with her Kor.but thank God all turn out fine in the end.And then it reminded me that i have to meet Kor for dinner tomoro.

so,tomoro.Yet AGAIN... YES i meant again..a busy day.First to guitar till 330 then to project 430 and hopefully dinner with shannon at 630.

did i mention something??

I HATE MUM'S PMS!!!

God shower thy peace on mum.!

missumissu

2005-07-27T02:22:00.000+08:00

oh gosh.
Like how could i have forgot???

Chanthy is back in cambodia and i saw her online!!!
Its been ages since she came online and sincewe spoke??(blame it on schoolwork i didnt had the time to call or write to her)

She is working in her dad huge company now.

Man,she looked really gorgeous now.Cant believed i was so naive.I actually believed when she told me she went back to cambodia to get marry.Sabrina..that was so dumb.

happyhappyhappy
smilingsmilingsmiling

Thy i miss u sooo much !

come to singapore soon k?

blog peeping.

2005-07-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

Well, i was reviewing on the past entries and realised the sudden growth and maturity in my writings. I did not had the urged to finish every single entry because i find them really boring and irritating.I do hope that my writings would improve with time.

Did i mentioned that i took a liking to blog peeping recently? seriously,some blogs are really enjoyable.ok.selfish i am.I am gonna keep them for myself.

VisCo class seems draggy to me today.boring maybe? urGh.SABRINA! U cant feel bored about visco nor begin slacking at any point in time during TP.U wanted to be the best.Remember?

Now i feel so helpless and loss without assignments.I wished i had them so that i would not have a chance to slack or even to feel so.

Oh Gosh.
I actually told 'Ron' that i find Mr D charming when i first saw him.seriously,Mr K is more charming and good-looking.hot might be the word?

mwahahaha.

2005-07-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

I hate periods.

You just feel so messy having them.And mood swings and all. uRgh
Ok.its 1240am now
I am doing solution type logo.
Now, taking a break watching some kinda stupid animation.
Er, just dropping by to blog.

There is none like You

2005-07-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

Today's service was one of the best or probably the best service i attended in speedlight so far.

My week has been more or less terrible.Tired,weak and really weary. I was so caught up with work and problems and sins that i forgot that God was there. I think one of the best thing that i can really smile and feel happy at the end of the day was knowing that i did not walked through the valley and mountains of workload alone,that God was there.I cried very hard during praise and worship today because i was ministered by God.By what God spoke through the worship leader and by the way He touched my heart once again. Ever since school started, i spent less time talking to God and reading His word. Each week became more weary then before.I took God' s presence for granted and lukewarmness begin to cling and crawling onto me.I am really very tired of putting up fronts , of trying to be strong , of trying so hard to be someone so much so that i feel i lost myself.Felt that i do not know what i am serving as a cell leader for nor why do i go prayer meet for.Seriously.i was thankful that Pacer spoke the correct message today or rather God speak to pacer to do so.In a way, it did reflected on my life.

I want to run after You again.

There is none like You...

help me to lay down my idols./frustrated.

2005-07-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

I was feeling very guilty like a moment ago about thing i have done that are not pleasing to God.This song just ran through my mind:

I will lay down by idols
Thrones i have make
All that has taken my heart.

NOW
i am very very frustrated.Shannon just inform us at such a late and unholy hour of the night that we wont be having a room for cell tomoro.How frustration it is.I mean i thot that the purpose of swapping svc with cell timing was to ensure that we would have rooms for cell.And now? We will not have room either then why swapped in the first place?? Moreover change of timing also means some cg members cant attend cell.then isnt it like worse...since sometimes service is not that powerful??

CURSE YOU MR S.A.TAN.
Why the heck must you always wrecked things up.

Forgive Lord for the venting of my anger.
sorry Lord.

2005-07-23T01:34:00.000+08:00

I didnt had much to do today because class was cancelled.I did managed to go to school still.school is like my third home now.

cancelled my plan of going down town to take the photos.no excuse just plain lazy.so, i just met up with lee and xj and attempted to take photos of them but failed.Anyway,meeting up them after so long was fun.we did the usual stuff and got much "harvest".Lots of juicy gossips and stuff.Realised that i had no idea what happen to prss nor the people in prss until like they told me.It was entertaining though.Some came really funny while others shocking.Ok.i tink like i should stop.NOT edifiying.stop sab.stop.

Thank God for the day and His strength.
ok.i need to wake up slightly earlier tomoro.go to school and edit the design ,proceed for printing then to church.

sleep.

i am sorry

2005-07-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

Learnt cartoons drawing in class today and followed by a consultation from Val,lunch and lazing around in school the whole afternoon.Man, i have lots of work to be done.visco,colour,dr fun,photography and typography.

Ok.so, this is what i gonna do tomoro.First go to school and meet joy to get my camera and then get my lunch done.Next head down to... city hall and take photo and then return to tampines at about 3 and meet xj and lee. Haven been meeting them for really long so woohoo. lots of catching up to do.yup.

Anyway.back to my title.
I been really busy with my work these days that i hardly really get a chance to sit down for a few hours and have a really intimate talk with heavenly daddy.In fact the most of stuffs which i spoke to Him these days are like give me strength and be with me,bless me this and that,which is and is really sad. And Dad i am really sorry,sorry for not being someone You called me to in school. and also not been a really fantastic cell leaders.Dun seems to taking up my roles responsibly.Sorry Lord.Forgive me i pray.Teach me, at least, to love You just that alittle bit more each day.Thank You Lord.

Hugs from this humble servant of Yours

The Sharing

2005-07-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

Briefing at this morning was alright.They just spoke about which are the important subjects to choose should we wanna branch into graphic design or photography. I didnt had much to do from12 to 3, just like hanging out in the dark room and had lunch with joy and her group members.

Term2,week 1, sem 1 has been good so far.I feel more comfortable with the people around me and got to know more people around me.I recalled that i was super duber extremely close up and my social circle were pretty horrible.As in those kinda where people just ask you your name and then your school and the usual question anyone whould ask each other the first time they met in a new school.You answered them and then it just goes -SILENCE- and then you get so awkward and what start thinking about what should i talk about that kinda thing.terrible.so i was quite lonely durin term 1.things got better towards the end of term 1 though.I did managed to open up more this week and i think i really do because i think i really crapped alot the since monday.But there is one thing still remains,that is: i cant remember their name still.its so confusing when there seems to be so many simliar sounding names.they should have more unique name like.er.joy's friend loko.easy to rmb.Anyway to really cut my long winded story short, i was glad that God sent me people that i could talk to and feel comfortable with one in particular joy. :-)

Thanks ron. hahaha.

time to slp !
"poof!"

Thank You Lord

Owns an apple.

2005-07-20T04:17:00.000+08:00

Look above!
Dad went down the roadshow in school and bought me the powerbook. :-)

Anyway, its 4.18am now. I am currently waiting for James Ron. to finish her work.I was busy doing my 10 t-shirts designs and marketing report just now.Glad it was done.

Its time for some reflections.
I got to say i really felt ashamed when joy asked me "For Christ sake, dun u lie" . I mean i am a cell leader and i do not know why they like to ask if i joined any ministry.If given a choice again i wouldnt have said i was a cell leader.Feel like all eyes are on me.Waiting patienting,ready to poach me in my act of sinning and doing something wrong.Its not that easy serious with the additonal work load that i have.Cherlene broke down yesterday,she cried.Frustrated over her photography work and the long building up stress that has been piling on her.Thank You Father for giving me the strength to last me till now.Thankful Lord,yet i know i do not deserve such a treatment.Forgive me .

Teach my heart,Heal my soul.

May own an apple

2005-07-19T02:17:00.000+08:00

School was as usually.So is the work load .i am glad i managed to finish my marketing report as well ,its left with editing from Dad.Anyway checked out on the apple road show in school today and told Dad about it.I think i am getting my apple tomorrow so exciting.Haha. Looking forward to tomoro.

:-)

Lastly.
Thank God for everything!

My Life.

2005-07-18T01:53:00.000+08:00

Before touching today's happenings i must continued from where i left yesterday.Measure of His presence was yesterday's title. Here is the reasoning.I spoke to Kor on the phone yesterday and asked him some questions.1. Does it means that if we do not feel the magnifestation of the presence of God something is wrong with us? Ans: No. There are two reasons as to why we cant feel at times.The first is of course that person have not been doing his/her quiet time or talk to God,so naturally he/she might not be able to feel it.Secondly it because(taking prayer meet for example) the presence of God was strong during the praise and worship but not during the prayer probably its because the prayers made has become a routined one.YUP!

Ok
Today.It was Youth ALive today.service was average.Anway the whole and the main story of today is about my sharing during cell.I was very nervous and shivered e whole time Titus was sharing.thank You for Your strength and mercy.

I think i am thankful that i was given the chance to share my life.Because it reminded me and refreshed me on God's love for me.And the things He had done for me.

Thank You Lord

Measure Of His presence

2005-07-17T01:39:00.000+08:00

It was a taxing and busy day today.I went to bro school to support him for receiving the 1st in History award and also his solo during band performance.I must say i really felt proud of him at that moment.Even till now.

Served in Miracle Service today. Prayed for one lady.She had pain the stomach area.Felt really good while praying for her.

Anyway the whole idea, was actually to cover on some stuff that i asked Kor over the phone.I will touch on that tomoro instead because its rather late and i promise Kor to sleep as soon as possible.

Youth ALive tomoro.So, off to sleep.

Affirmed.

2005-07-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

I went to school at about noon today to develop my photos.then took a bus with kaijie to bedok for a drink before heading to Bugis to meet Titus and then rach and adelene at orchard. :-) Enjoyed my dinner today with them. Been awhile since we meet and have dinner together comfortably before heading for prayer meet.so, i really enjoyed it.

Prayer meet was routined.As in i felt it has become a routine affair. Last week was much better.Some missing factor.

Anyway, i was glad that i did felt the right thing on sunday. As in we shouldnt have touch on cell vision first but rather our own lives first. Kor felt tt way too. So i was rather affirmed.I didnt do my follow up this week, synchorised prayer was done poorly and it started out wrong last week. Sorry Lord and forgive me.

I remembered a few entries back i was called to love. Love others the way God has showed His.
Till now, i dun think i have really practised that yet. So... teach me Lord and cont to show me.Cause my spirit to be sensitive to your presence.

Let the sensitivity of Your presence arise in my life Lord

Tired.

2005-07-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

I am beginning to feel tired again physically.And when i think about cell and the people in cell and the things i have to do in cell.I feel more tired. Even though its barely 1 months i led the cell.I am feeling tired.I know i shouldnt feel this way.But i really wished i do not have to worry about this area.In fact i feel more secure under Shannon.Perhaps this is God way of wanting me to rely only on Him even more.No longer on mere human beings anymore.

I feel alittle screwed now.I have NOT, i repeat! i Have NOT complete my VisCo,Colour and marketing work! and tomoro ,sat and sunday. is totally burned out. I have no idea what to do seriously. I just feeling like sitting one corner and stare and dream and stay in my own world.Enough Sabrina stop dreaming and do You work now!

Done.

2005-07-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

Yup.
Finally done with the drawing of crowbar and almost everything.M jus left with e copying of the files to the cd-rom.

Anyway, i decided not to go out with titus and rach tomoro because i have alot of work to do and i do not want to spend money unnecessarily,because going out meant spending more money.In addition to that, my saturday and sunday will be burned out for miracle svc and Youth aLive! respectively, so i cant afford to waste my time chilling out. WORK WORK WORK must be done.!

My mood.
It was pretty good in general.I mean i enjoyed doing what i did the whole day in school.Well,it was worthwhile.Slight anger occured while scanning the A4 size crowbar fonts.I meant the com. jus hanged.

All in all.God was good.
Blessed my day and see my through.Thank You Lord.

More of You and less of me

Pressing On

2005-07-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

I missed out last week entries.Tired and weak,up and downs ,happy and glad.That was how colourful last week was.Frustration took over me on tuesday,i was confused if i should go for leader conference.Then wed and thursday prayer meeting was good.So was Friday.But things took a change during the weekend. Anger. Was took at least 80% of my mood.Angry of granny wanting to live in our house,angry of how they resulted in my parents quarraling.Angry with how irresponsible their words were.20% were taken over by tears.Its been very long since i cried.I was hurt and felt useless at how irresponsible i was too.But i am thankful.Because in the midst of all these God was there.He see me through sat night and granted me his guidance during cell sharing.He filled me with him love and embrace during praise and worship.I must admit i felt really better. And i know i needed Him more.Thank You Father for the week.I promise that regardless of what may happen i will rely on You and soar with u.Not giving up but focus on You and pressing forward.

Today.
I spend my day doing typo and out despite a school holiday.I went back to school.

My prayer today

2005-07-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,Disoriented, perplexed, I’m at a loss.
Sometimes life to me just seems so cruel
Questions are hurled, thrown around and tossed
How? Where? When? What I said, and to whom?
I’m just doing my best to keep my head above sea
One hand can’t clap, it always takes two
But I’m not drowned by accusations at me
I know what I’ve said, I know what I do
Trust is ostensibly there, but no one believes what I say
Allegations run wild, based on accounts untrue
It’s hard not to retaliate, so Lord, teach me Your ways
Won’t risk hurting myself and others with the world’s dastardly tools
I thought it was all over when I found my new resolve
My conscience is clear and open, and I know You know it too
But I’ll keep my chin up nonetheless and let all this slide off
I don’t have to prove anything, I’ll leave my answers to You
Amen.

First Cell.

2005-07-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

I managed to overcome the dreadful of going cell today.
The First Cell.
It turn out better than i expected.Probably its because Titus is doing all the talking and interacting while i was pretty much quiet.Realise that the sec 2s are not so much into praise and worship yet.Some are still quite childish.Need alot of prayer really.I seems to have alot of things running through my mind.About school work but more about God,about my relationship with Him, about cell ,about leading.I cant seems to understand myself.And unable to depict my mood or feelings right now.But i know and am aware that i need God.I need Jesus.I need You Father.

I feel so weak.Not physical yet somehow seems spiritually.
I am very desperate for God.For His touch ,for his voice to speak to me.
I feel clueless.

Can You talk to me Father? Please?
You said You will answer when we ask.But i cant seems to hear u.
Can u bring me back to your arms.Help me to run back to You ,will u?

Speak to me Lord.I am here.

a bizzarre feeling

2005-07-03T01:37:00.000+08:00

Came home at almost 12today.
I was at grandpa house celebrating his bithday.Seriously i don't like the idea nor am i supportively of the idea of having granddpa and grandma staying over at our house.And i know its selfish of me. I duno i really dun.

I am feeling so somehow sad and a sense to dreadfulness.
Why?
New cell starts tomoro.And as much i tried to tell myself that now i have a bigger responsibility and gotta lay down the past, somehow for the first time after so long i dread going for cell.I know i shouldnt feel this way.But i just cant keep myself from feeling this way.

Father will u help me overcome this? Because i am weak and i admit that i am.Lord i feel to inferior and i feel like i looked dumb and m one in the eyes of others,even shannon.And i dun like that.Father i need your love again.Really do.

Once again.Need You Here

The Crowbar Competition.

2005-07-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

Alright,let me first talk about yesterday stuff before moving on to today's.It's really nice to hang out with Titus and Rach after so long.Rach was pretty excited about my camera and startsaying me duno wad head in a joking manner but well it didnt feel g0od seriously to have dad and mum spending so much on my art materials.Anyway, the most important thing that happened yesterday was getting my work back my A2 size "learning sanctuary" because i got B for it and yeah it was my first B.Thank You Lord. :-)

------------------------------------------------------
Today.
Nothing special happened.
Went to school had prayer then home.
Glad that Mdam Chan said that my typography can sent in for crowbars(something that i have been looking forward to).God see me through Father.Help me to lean on You

Need You Lord.strength,wisdom and guidance

will be back

2005-07-01T00:15:00.000+08:00

i will be back to blog. I am tired now